Ball Ache

One filthy football. Eleven extremely supportive teammates. One World Cup nobody saw coming.
I’m Fiona Brodie, kit manager for the Scotland squad, which means I wash the strips, sort the boots, find the lucky pants, and do approximately ninety percent of the work while getting none of the glory. Then, on the eve of Scotland’s first ever World Cup final, the match ball starts talking to me.
His name is Number Ten. He has a sexy Scottish accent, a filthy mouth, an unscrubbable smudge, and a very serious proposition: if Scotland wants to win tomorrow, I need to take him to bed tonight.
Oh, and he’s a sentient football.
Reader, I took one for the team. I did not expect to take the rest of the squad with him.
By the time Number Ten and his eleven extremely supportive teammates are done with me, I’ve had the hat-trick of my life. As for who wins the match? Well. You’ll have to read on to find out what a dominant football can really do in extra time.
Ball Ache is a filthy, funny sentient object romance featuring a horny football with a sexy Scottish accent, one overlooked kit manager, full twelve-ball squad participation, praise, patriotic absurdity, and a World Cup final that will never be repeated on Match of the Day.
Standalone sentient object romance. More “object” than “romance”, if we’re honest.