Proverbs for Monsters

Cover art and interior art by Matthew P. Schuster.

You Can Catch A Good Human With A Bad Hamburger

Proverbs For Monsters is an omnibus of the best writing to date by one of the most offbeat and humorous writers working in the horror genre today, Michael A. Arnzen. Hand picked by the author, these are the stories, "flash fictions," and poems most cherished by readers, most enjoyed at live performances, most celebrated by editiors of year's best collections, and most recommended for literary awards from across his career.

An Infant Vampire Bites Hardest

In Proverbs For Monsters you'll get advice for growing your own man-eating plant. You'll ride the movies of Exorcystland – the scariest amusement park ever created. You'll attend a bizarre grade school for assassins. You'll meet a dentist with a very disturbing collection of baby teeth. You'll encounter strange children – from the boy who carries his heart in a metal case attached to his chest to the girl who is completely encased in the carapace of her own giant scab. You'll ride a diseased elephant and witness the death of the last vampire and learn more than ever wanted to know about a perpetual embalming machine. You'll wince and laugh and wince again.

Fortune Favors the Cleaver

Whether or not you have read Michael Arnzen before or are already a fan of his gleefully twisted imagination, you're in for a very dark treat with this generous collection of thirty stories and thirty poems, many of them impossible-to-find or never seen before.Proverbs For Monsters offers the most delightful and disturbing retrospective of this acclaimed author's career.