I Suppose a Root's Out of the Question?

R. Doubting Thomas Perdue (Tom to his scuzzy mates) is in trouble, and it can only get worse. Tom's Feng shui scam implodes when his Sicilian brother-in-law Mauricio drives a Mack truck through his tasteful office. Someone knows about his racehorse-doping past. His beautiful wife has made a ten-year vow of celibacy to the Virgin Mary. His daughter Animal's grrlfriend's obese sister has vanished, extremely foul play suspected. Meanwhile, an unusual camel called Nile Fever has become an animal of interest to the Australian Federal Police, and Tom is up to his neck in the middle of the mess. And he's fairly sure that a root is completely out of the question, poor bastard.*

*rooted: Irrevocably broken. As in: "Your hard drive is rooted, mate. Need to get a new one." Root also means "to have sex."