Mike A. Lancaster

"Mike Lancaster was born in a fold in time that allows past and present to mix like paints on a pallette. 

He was schooled by Plato, H P Lovecraft and Groucho Marx and dictated three of Shakespeare's plays to Kit Marlowe, but cannot remember which ones.

His parents were dead ringers for  Enid Blyton and Bela Lugosi, and they were strict vegetarian cannibals who made a living selling computers in Renaissance Italy. 

When he was nine-years-old, he discovered writing as a means of sealing shut dangerous holes in the space/time continuum. He still has no idea whether he is successful in this goal - or if he is only making things worse - but suspects the latter since a recently discovered photograph of Aristotle showed him wearing an iPod.

Contrary to popular belief he was not educated at Miskatonic University, he only taught there, briefly, before the whole shoggoth fiasco saw him fleeing to his ancestral pile in the Scottish highlands.

He is married, with three children, and does not keep winged monkeys in his cellar."